Okay. This blog is about self-discovery and the sexual perspectives of a man in his late 'fifties and somewhat victim - and I use that word very loosely - of the early '80s "I'll fuck anybody" scene. I have been losing weight lately. A considerable amount, with more yet to come. Down fifty,  and another forty in my sites. But that's not why I'm here. I want to examine a lot of my sexual situation from a psychological standpoint, which includes current and changing physiological impacts of the weight change. In many ways the weight loss has brought back some feelings and priorities for me. I've never been exactly modest, but it turns out that being in better physical shape has moved that towards overdrive. If I am fortunate enough to lose the remainder of the weight I want gone, another forty pounds, I am not sure how much my wife will be able to keep me clothed. (Yeah, I'm a little like a toddler in that respect. I think...

Lots of things going on in life, keeping me from updating very often. Plus, I think I've exhausted a bunch of topics and not having a real source of new material it might start to get stale. We're approaching Spring and that means that shortly I'll start being able to lay out by the pool again without getting cold. I'm looking forward to that, provided I get enough time off of work to give me the opportunity. Work has developed into a 50-hour/week occupation, but for the most part I'll have some free time during the day most days. I've become a lot more pale than I like and am looking forward to the relaxation of lying in the sun. The medical front (pun not fully intended) continues unabated. I seem to be coming into another season of unabated attention towards my groin. My urologist commented that I was pretty much a urological trifecta, with problems in my kidneys, testicles and possibly prostate. (He's now very concerned about my last voiding...

Over the years my weight has fluctuated quite a bit. In my college years I was fit and had a pretty good physique. In later years I have - I hate to admit - become obese and at-times very unhealthy. Around six months ago I started a new job which involves a lot of activity. On my feet for up to eight hours, sometimes up and down ladders carrying heavy boxes. Fitness is good It's a great way to start the process of getting back into shape. Recently I've started wearing a Fitbit and am averaging around 12,000 steps on work days, and around 7000 on my days off. And the cool part is that I am recognizing all of the "symptoms" of wanting to return to a more fit condition. I am feeling the urge to stretch different muscle groups (and very happy they are presenting themselves as "muscle groups"). I feel great walking my dogs, and having the strength to control them without too much effort. Look, Ma, no tanlines I am also swimming with as much re...

Part of my motivation for starting this blog was to deal with a number of elements of my sexuality, particularly as I recovered some of my previously-held sexual confidence as a result of testosterone treatments. But another element has occurred, and I hadn't planned on - but genuinely appreciate - the effect of the shots. I've begun working out and losing weight. Weight that has stubbornly refused to budge for decades. Damn, this feels good ! When I began my treatments I was, more or less, ninety pounds overweight. Fat. Obese. Not a healthy thing for a former athlete, or someone of any background. But I'd eaten and lazed myself into serious health issues and had pretty well given up trying to lose anything. Yes, I'd done all those trendy diets. Jenny Craig, Nutrisystems, South Beach, even HCG injections, etc. On most of them I lost weight - and then steadily regained it when the diet or treatments ended. So last year when I began the testosteron...

Sexually speaking this is a frustrating time for me. It's one of the fundamental reasons I started this blog, to work through sexual issues in my head and on "anonymous" paper. Only two friends, very trusted friends, have access to reading this blog. For obvious reasons. As I've noted in a couple of previous entries my libido is up as a result of testosterone injections and a newly rediscovered physical strength that is a direct result of the t-shots. I've become far more physically active and exercise on a daily basis - usually twice a day. My body is responding in ways I haven't experienced since my twenties, and I am surprised at how bad I'd actually gotten to feel. After only a few months (6) I have solid muscle tone in areas which  have been complacent for decades, and quite a bit more stamina as a result. Along with that new physicality Lil Rambler is up and active several times a day, an activity level I haven't had in at least two decad...

"A hard man is good to find." - Unknown I've awakened several times in the last few weeks with morning wood. This is something new for me, and probably hasn't happened for at least ten years, perhaps longer. It's a pleasant experience and something that, in a way, reminds me I'm male. But it's been a long while since I last was awakened with Lil Rambler asking for attention. And now we know why. One of the more intriguing experiences of the last couple of years is my diagnosis of low testosterone. The symptomology was there, but for some reason the doctor (my GP) never caught it until I was well below the threshold for a healthy male. I knew that "Lil Rambler" wasn't up to his former self, and my interest in intercourse and other forms of sex had waned. Intellectually I was still fascinated by the topic, but the body, which had grown - to be brutally honest with myself - had grown fat and flaccid. "Former Athlete's...