(Apologies for the relative lack of pictures. Blogger is having fits of some kind and not posting all of my selections. And when it does, it's a wrestling match to get them properly placed.) Well. Hello. It's been a while. Mainly because I felt I'd covered all the topics I wanted to cover and nothing else was coming to mind. but I can tell some things are percolating, so the long (year and a half!)  creative dry spell is over. Well...sort of. Let me catch you up to date, then on to the new topic. My sex life is still pretty much non-existent save for my own private efforts. My wife and I had a pretty decent level of activity until she had a medical emergency that pretty much stopped cold her ability to have/want sex.  Unfortunately for me, I love sex. I love sexuality. I love bringing pleasure to someone else. I love experiencing skin on skin and the intimate moments between people. That, to me, was a major part of my being until my wife's crisis. Sex was a fundamental ...

In my last entry I described how bodywork and getting back into shape are a deep focus for me right now. But sometimes, when you get older, the universe has a different plan. Last Saturday my body decided to double down on this, and I was rushed to the Emergency Room at a nearby hospital.  Spending two days in the hospital, the first twelve hours of which was spent in the ER trying to get the old ticker to decide on some sort of - any sort of - regular rhythm. Turns out I have this thing, previously undiagnosed, called atrial-fibrillation. Fans of medical tv shows will recognize the term "a-fib," meaning the atria, the top smaller parts of the heart, are out of sequence with the lower, larger ventricles. Wake up call. I've already been focussed on trying to get back into shape, but this forces me to give up what are perhaps my last two real vices: caffeine and alcohol. And to add insult to injury, eat healthier and healthier foods.  (To be honest, I had already started t...

Okay. This blog is about self-discovery and the sexual perspectives of a man in his late 'fifties and somewhat victim - and I use that word very loosely - of the early '80s "I'll fuck anybody" scene. I have been losing weight lately. A considerable amount, with more yet to come. Down fifty,  and another forty in my sites. But that's not why I'm here. I want to examine a lot of my sexual situation from a psychological standpoint, which includes current and changing physiological impacts of the weight change. In many ways the weight loss has brought back some feelings and priorities for me. I've never been exactly modest, but it turns out that being in better physical shape has moved that towards overdrive. If I am fortunate enough to lose the remainder of the weight I want gone, another forty pounds, I am not sure how much my wife will be able to keep me clothed. (Yeah, I'm a little like a toddler in that respect. I think...

Last column I talked about how job changes and other things have led me to a dramatic weight loss, and how that was making me feel both medically and physically. The good news is that I'm down another four pounds, but seem to have hit a wall. So not a lot more to report on that aspect of my physicality. The New Me, tan and all... On the other hand, I'm still enjoying an improved life in other ways. Lil Rambler has become visually larger, a result of the fat pad which surrounds all of our genitals becoming significantly decreased. A thinner man will have lower amounts of fat, therefore exposing more of the shaft of the penis - as you lose weight the dick itself doesn't get longer, it just seems to as the fat retreats. At present Lil has gone from being almost embarrassingly hidden, to usually hanging 3 or so inches limp. I makes a difference. Physically and psychologically. Another aspect of the decreased weight is Rambler's improved function. My erecti...

I may have used that headline before. Ah well. Just a short update to note that I'm about three weeks into my "modified jelqing" routine and it's doing some good things for my erection. As I commented before, I don't buy into the whole "makes your cock bigger" line of promotion, but it does seem to be letting me more erect and at my largest for a more extended period of time. In addition, my flaccid cock tends to hang a little lower and longer than before. So, at the moment, the progress is good. My orgasms seem to be a little more intense, and I don't feel the grittiness in the core of my penis any more. There are a few spots left, but on the whole the penis feels smoother and more supple when I'm soft, if that's an acceptable way to describe it. Work with me here. I'm a work in progress in other ways. My cardio doctor has reduced a major med after I began getting dizzy spells, and my stamina is wayyy up from last ...

My workout routine is going well. I walk between 6K and 19K steps a day depending upon my work schedule. My job is heavily dependent upon walking, movement, and lifting heavy things, so it's perfect for getting a workout in. I swim for twenty minutes or so most days (before getting out and drying off naturally) . I have now added 20+ minutes of dance exercise to my daily routine. The right direction. Two years ago, when I was twenty pounds lighter than I am now, I was dancing for around 40 minutes a day. That exercise came as part of a longer term program to lose weight I had embarked upon. It got me down forty-plus pounds from my highest weight, and within striking distance of several major goals.  I danced around, just bopping around really, to various tracks on Youtube. Nothing formal. And it all collapsed as life intervened. But I'm pushing back. So I've resumed doing the dancing first thing in the morning. I started yesterday, and was pleasantly surpri...

I'm sitting on the deck of my home, doing something most people might misinterpret as masturbating. But that's not it, and cumming isn't my intent. A week or so ago I was reading about Asian massage techniques, particularly in regards to Chi and energy flows through the body. In particular the writer, a professional therapist, commented that in new patients he could feel a graininess to muscle and skin tone. This graininess is a block to proper blood flow. I began thinking about some of the physiological reactions we develop as we age, and in particular my own challenges with, among other things, erectile dysfunction. There are times, since this is my "full honesty, let it all hang out" blog, that I have trouble attaining or maintaining an erection. Hell, I'm a 58 year old man with a lot of body fat. It kind of, sadly, goes with the territory. Thirty years ago I was fit with a perhaps overly enthusiastic Lil Rambler gleefully pointing the way. But in...

It's been a while since my last entry. I know that sounds like the beginning of a confessional, but there's just not a lot to comment on and no topic has loomed large enough to get me to think much about it. I still think about sex. On a daily basis. But other than a little porn and masturbation there's precious little activity to get me going. It's summertime, of course. This means a fair amount of daily nudity as I swim in our backyard pool. CFNM if my wife goes in with me. And after swimming I usually lay out in the sun to dry - never more than that, as I'm conscious about being over-exposed to the sun. He tans on the right side. I tan on the left. As a result, my tan is pretty good. All over, though  I have a strange little tanline on my cock. It's a result of the way I hang when I'm lying on my back. I'm not sure if it's the result of the weight, previous surgeries or simply an anatomical oddity becoming more pronounced as I age, b...