JUST PART OF THE SCENERY

 

As I write this I am overseas on a long-needed extended vacation. My wife and I are in a fairly exotic locale as, as I usually do, I’m spending most of the time in the hotel room as naked as possible. Which means most of the time, and completely nude.

Just part of the scenery

A month or so ago friend of mine, who is the progeny of a pretty militantly nudist father, sent me an article regarding nudism and various points of view on the topic. It was a really observant piece and we began corresponding about the information. This friend knows I enjoy being nude - she's one of only two friends who knows about this blog - and when I commented upon using the vacation as an excuse to strip down she replied suggesting that my wife was probably becoming a little blasé - her words were “I guess Wifey has come to think of you (and I mean ALL of you) as just part of the scenery.”

Ouch. A little harsh. I replied that “THAT’S not very good.”

She responded: “I agree. I wasn't going to say it. But the truth is, for many of us women, males prancing or laying about in their birthday suit aren't a turn-on. Well, not our husbands anyway. Hey, but if you get a kick out of it, how can that be bad?”

Again, ouch. But I don’t have this woman as a friend to mince words, and honesty is always the best policy.

(That said, I sincerely hope in most less-screwed-up relationships wives still look upon their naked husbands with some affection.)

After due consideration, I sent her this: “To be honest, I’m not getting naked to entice my wife into anything sexual. As you know, that ain’t happening. But what being naked does is improve our intimacy and bond a teensy amount, which is a good thing. It’s not to be sexual, it’s to be intimate. On her part, she laid around dressed only in a towel today - for some time. Again, not to be erotic but to be intimate with each other.”

This time my friend responded that was a good explanation and I ought to use it in the blog, which brings you, the reader, up to speed.

From my perspective there’s a world of difference between various categories of what we would call explicit behavior. Being naked is not necessarily in and of itself sexual. Appreciating the nude human form has been a fact of much classic art for hundreds if not thousands of years. The human body is something we are hard-wired to appreciate as an evolutionary response as well as a simple desire to procreate.

But what that has allowed us to evolve is the attraction to the nude form that can center on aesthetics and not merely on fuckability.

Yesterday I was on the beach and a woman was bathing topless. Fine with me. She had beautiful breasts and a nice body which I could briefly admire from afar. Of course the last thing in the world I would do would be assume she wanted me - or any male on the beach - to walk over and accost her, that would be patently absurd and borderline psychotic, if not downright predatory. She, as would anyone in similar circumstances, expected and deserved respect. My glance was little more than I would have accorded a fully dressed woman, a physically fit man in a Speedo, or any other human being who enters my field of view. But, and here’s the most important part: she felt good enough about herself to sunbathe topless without fear of being judged or assaulted. I appreciated the beauty she brought into this world. I didn’t gawk, stare or do anything more than register that she was topless before I moved on.

(I’ve mentioned previously that physical comfort with being nude/with someone else’s nudity is something I think makes someone more sensual all the way around. Not sexuality, but sensuality as its own positive trait.)

That said, I will be the first to acknowledge that my own physique is far removed from that
woman’s form. Obviously I don’t mean male versus female, I mean young and fit versus old and fatter. (I’m working on it.) (The fatter, not much I can do about the older.) 

But being nude is my way of forcing myself to be confident and reinforcing the positive aspects of sensuality. For me, I’m not exposing myself in order to get sexual gratification or to anyone who would rather not see - which is a sexual assault. But if I’m with someone who accepts me at my nudest, then I’m reassured as a person that I’m not all bad. 

If you can see my penis and not run away screaming I figure it’s not a worst case scenario.

Which brings us full circle to my friend’s comment. And here’s why it was a kick in the gut: There’s a difference between being nude and comfortable, and being nude and being discarded as “part of the scenery.” No one clothed, unclothed, semi-nude - or anything else - wants to be discarded as part of the scenery. Women for generations have fought against that perception of themselves as “eye candy.” And if they are considered to be dismissible as “part of the scenery,” it’s a step backward. The same goes for guys...husbands.

But I’m probably vastly overthinking this. I haven’t masturbated in a week and some, and my testosterone is undoubtedly up. I’ve found that the longer I go without I become more and more focused on nudity - not sex: nudity. Oddly enough. 

Which means my wife may get an eyeful these next couple of weeks, and hopefully she doesn’t discard it as just being part of the scenery.