GYMNOS V BACCHANALIAN

Wow, that's an exotic title.

Gymnos is the root word for "gymnasium." It's foundationally a Greek word, meaning "naked." The ancient Greeks and other cultures believed that sports was best done in the nude, and a perfectly sculpted male body - because women were property, more or less - was a tribute to the gods, in whose image we were cast.

Bacchus was a Greek deity, renamed Dionysus by the Romans who appropriated this god of the grape-harvest, winemaking and wine, of fertility, ritual madness, religious ecstasy, and theatre.

And I have been locked in a mental and physical battle for dominance by these two conflicting philosophies of life. The first is a focus on physicality and fitness. Of being athletic and healthy, enough so that one shouldn't mind being seen naked upon occasion, as with the ancient athletes. For much of my pre-marital days this was my mindset.

On the other hand, during my college years self-indulgence set in. I began drinking and carousing, seeking ecstasy (the feeling, not the drug) on every occasion. Living a life full of fun and excess, from drink and food to much more carnal activities.

And while being both physically fit AND indulgent was possible during those high-activity days of my youth, once I settled into a more sedentary wedded lifestyle the gradual transition to the unhealthy and indulgent person I am today began its gradual decline. I referenced this in a last previous entry.

And I'm caught, even now, in the middle of those two conflicting philosophies.

I love my penis

While I don't force nudity on anyone, I'm almost completely comfortable with it on my own. My wife has recently remarked on my reasonably regular pantless condition, both around the house and in private when we're traveling (hotel balconies, sitting rooms and the like). Humility at my excess weight makes me prefer wearing a shirt, but otherwise I've got very few inhibitions when it comes to everything else.

The problem occurs in that I continue to overindulge calorically and - perhaps worse - in wine and liquor. I love a good stiff drink, wine with dinner, and other forms of light inebriation. And often resort to easy pick-up dinners as opposed to driving home after work (up to ten hours on my feet) and cooking something healthier.

"Dude, I'm so drunk..."

It packs on the pounds, which makes me less comfortable going shirtless in particular. I know from my previous selves that the fitter I am the more naked I tend to get. The fatter I am the more I tend to cover up my abdomen in particular, and the less likely I am to be able to perform sexually. I've referenced the fat pad which grows around the base of fat men's penises, and having one is a humiliation on its own. I'm not well hung, but I'm respectable...but the fatter I am the less apparent that is to the casual (or not so casual) observer.  

(My balls are definably small than they used to be - a result of my testosterone injections. They've decreased to about half of their former size and have pulled up closer to the body cavity, which is an expected result of the treatments. I'd rather have smaller balls, a stronger physiology and a harder cock, thank you very much.)



It seems like an easy equation. Yet, I lack willpower as you might expect from a Bacchanalian. 

Eating healthier and exercising regularly are two things I've implemented this year and it's showing as part of my overall fitness, but the fat layer is being a stubborn bastard. I swim, and constantly on my feet and lifting heavy objects at work, and have a pair of very strong dogs who I take on walks twice a day.

I do the majority of cooking in our house and try to stick to a Mediterranean diet - but when I'm tired I tend to prefer to order out, and that usually means pizza.

And wine. And booze. 

So I'm caught between Gymnos and Bacchanalia.

Between physicality and indulgence.

Between feeling great and looking good or filling my life with joyful excess.

It's not as easy as it seems.