CALL ME PROFESSOR PROTON

If you don't recognize the titular reference, it's for a character from the tv show The Big Bang Theory. Kind of an appropriate show name for this topic, which is sexual experimentation.

I am a firm believer that people of proper consensual age be encouraged to experiment sexually. Most of us do, anyway, but sexual and mental health depend upon a secure and enjoyable sex life. Without societal permission to explore sexual wants and needs we can assume roles which are not fully rewarding, and, in fact, can be quite damaging.

I know this sort of thought is unusual, and will certainly never happen in modern American society. Many Americans have enough trouble understanding that they need to keep their minds and laws out of someone else's bedroom, let alone letting little Johnny or Sally try same-sex oral. Or multiple partners. Or anal, or mutual masturbation, or, or, or...

Part of our sexual identity forms as a result of experience. Lacking that experience can lead to an unhappy and unsatisfying sex life as we continue to grow and mature.

My own sex life at an early age was both satisfying and highly experimental. Yet there are still things I wish I'd tried, and know that I will never do.

Oddly enough, I've never attended an orgy. I've never been to a sex club. Yes, I've been in situations where people were having sex, but never a party designed for specifically that function, in which multiple partners are passed around. I've never had inter-racial sex, more from a lack of opportunity than any kind of social problems. (I cannot believe this is still a thing in the 21st century.) I've never had my pubes waxed.

(I did try shaving them a few times in my late teens. The regrowth burned like a son of a bitch, then itched. Years later, when I needed to have them shaved for surgery, I was reminded just how painful razor burn could be in the crotch, and just how itchy the regrowth could be. I keep myself lightly trimmed, but no denuding. I might be tempted to allow a professional to wax them, but at 58 it seems...ridiculous. It would be strictly for the sensation of being hairless, since there's no current sexual application for it. 

(Plus, waxed men aren't all that physically appealing to me. It can, done aesthetically, be quite attractive on a woman, but a denuded man just looks like a boy. On the right body maybe, but that follows along the same lines as the Speedo - on an athletic male in top condition it looks good, but the majority of men wearing them publicly...shouldn't.)

Understandably some of this comes with risk, and taking risks isn't a bright idea. Condoms must be used. People who have diseases must disclose them for everyone's safety. No means No.

But openly and freely exploring our sexuality can be both wonderfully rewarding as well as mentally healthy in future years. And sexual experimentation starts in our youth. An enthusiastic and rewarding sex life, in which people are encouraged to try new things but also allowed to decide "that isn't for me." If it's fun and exciting we might all be a little less repressed, and a little more accepting as a culture.

Now & Later

There's a really good film which explores sexual exploration. It's called Now & Later. The film is explicit, and features the story of a woman who gradually teaches a male partner to be more experimental and open about his sexuality, including one of the best tentatively bisexual scenes in film. And his character is allowed, after a short moment of exploration, to decide it isn't for him.  It's a grown-up film with an adult sensibility. (Pun not intentional.) I highly recommend it to anyone who might be grappling with freely exploring their sexuality.

(As I note each and every time, anything like this must be done with the open, honest and enthusiastic participation of everyone involved. No means no, and cheating on an existing committed partner without their knowledge or consent is just a shitty thing to do.)

But we would do well to promote a healthy exploration of our sexual selves. Try new things, even if we decide it's not for us. At least we tried it. And with some responsibility, respect and a youthful imagination, we can grow up to be happier, more satisfied adults with open minds about people who are different - and have differing appetites - than ourselves.