HYPERSEXUALIZED

In the last six months I have become what I will refer to as "Hypersexualized".

By this I do not mean that I am having a lot of sex, though I'm admittedly hornier than a sailor after an extended at-sea deployment. Yeah, I'd love to have a LOT more sex and hands-on interactions, but that's not what I mean by the term Hypersexualized.

I think about sex and sexuality constantly. Not only from a context of having sex, masturbating and

the like, but also from the mechanical aspects of the human body and general concepts. The potential combinations, the attitudes and the way we all approach sex with each other.

It's all become monumentally fascinating to me, probably in a way that helps keep my actual sexual urges under control during my drought situation. (I discuss that in several previous entries.)

But sex is on my mind in ways that it hasn't been since my late teens and early twenties, which may explain why that time period of my life keeps coming up in my essays. That and the fact that this was my most active and experimental period sexually. But much of my thoughts today are more of the analytical variety, largely about how we can enjoy sex more by being more open and direct about it.

Look, we all know that relationships can be a little like gamesmanship. It's almost as if we're hoping our partner/partners will magically discover that one thing we most want them to do without the need to, y'know, actually say what it is ourselves. Some people have sexual desires that they are convinced with either gross the other person out or somehow express what a fucking deviant we are, alienating the very person we're being so honest with.

I've mentioned by best buddy here a few times, and until a year ago we enjoyed a marvelously open conversational and at-times physical relationship. Not quite bi, though there were some borderline episodes in there.

(I am a very tactile person - not just sexually, but in general - and my hands roamed a bit with his tacite permission. I think he genuinely appreciates the attention - his wife can be undemonstrative - and he's sported a hardon several times. It never became overtly about cumming or even direct genital contact. But it was about being open and free with each other, relaxed enough to revel in sexual response rather than tamp it down and deny it.)

Unfortunately this all came to a screeching halt a year ago when politics resulted in some unpleasantness and our friendship hasn't been the same since. No hot tub, no bonding, and only one direct heart-to-heart conversation. It's a tremendous foundational loss for me and we're in the midst of trying to patch things up. But I've found that in my hypersexualized state it's an outlet - not a sexual one, but a physical and emotional one - that I can no longer count upon. I hadn't realized how much I had come to depend upon our "guy time" for my physical and mental health. And I think he misses it as well.

But the point of this is that he and I understand each other. We were fortunate enough to be able to


frankly discuss sexuality and our thoughts in a way much different from our conversations with our spouses. Very little was ever "off limits". My guess is that when we finally put this behind us and can again simply be there for each other that we can be even more open.

(Note: This is not "guy talk" as sexual predators would have you believe occur in every locker room. Guys who need to brag about their sexual prowess and ability to sexually abuse partners aren't real guys, their posers. Don't be fooled. Real men listen and respect. This Community Service Announcement courtesy your friendly Rambling Cock.)

Now, for the obvious question: Anyone reading this and wondering why I'm discussing a guy friend instead of my wife it's because I have to admit that I don't have as openly a sexual relationship with her. We can't really discuss all aspects of my sexuality, for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is because it would be a kind of unnecessary pressure on her. She was, when we met, a very self-conscious and self-doubting person. Through the years she's grown tremendously and become assertive and outwardly self-confident, but that nasty little inner voice keeps at her telling her she's inadequate.

In my hypersexualized state I would love to be able to have these conversations about what it is she wants to do - but our sex life, even at its most intense periods, has been spectacularly ordinary. Missionary position at least 95% of the time, oral the rest. A year or so ago she was giving me a blowjob - the first in maybe a year at that point - and doing a terrific job. At the time I was marveling at how good it felt.

Unfortunately it appears that was a fluke. It's not that she's bad at giving a blowjob, but she's just not into them and doesn't like to do it if she doesn't have to. Naturally that's a pretty solid turnoff for me. So even though I would love to have a much more open and intense sexual relationship with her it isn't worth my emotional and mental bond with her to force the issue, to make her go beyond her established limits. She's just not someone who is comfortable having either those conversations or being very adventurous in our sexuality.

I accept that and love her to death, but it leaves an empty space for me. It means that we can't seek to satisfy our deepest desires. Much as my best buddy needs to feel wanted, physically appreciated - things his wife isn't always the best at - I'd like to feel that my thoughts matter, that I can talk about this and feel appreciated for my own wants and desires. But I have to respect my wife's emotional boundaries as much as I have to respect her physical ones.

But that means I have to have other outlets for that conversation. I do NOT mean having sex, I mean talking about it. Understanding it, understanding others. Having open and honest conversations with friends and people about our communal sexuality.

What we all want and what we all settle for.

And that's the sad part. Sex is such a wonderful and fun thing that we ought to be having these conversations with people we trust. I do have those friends, two of whom I enjoy a completely unedited and honest friendship with, and hope that soon my buddy will be back among them. But it's the need to talk, to compare notes, which is the important part of my hypersexualization.

I know I'm a bit of a freak when it comes to my own sexuality. I just need to know that others have their own freakiness and that mine's okay, Just as I reassure them theirs is too.

Master and Johnson had it right: we need to be more comfortable in our sexuality. To talk about it. It's okay to be hypersexualized. It's kind of a fundamental motivator for this blog. It's not just to provide masturbatory fodder for freaks like myself, but to drive the conversation. If just one reader looks across the room and says "honey, can we talk for a second" then I've succeeded.

And I'm good with that...I just wish the rest of society went along with me.