So, a hundred or so posts in, a friend who reads my blog asked me "what's your end game for this? What do you want out of all this?" Legit questions. So it set me thinking. For the most part these entries are therapy. What's on my mind and what I'm experiencing at any given moment. The focus shifts, changes according to current circumstances, so what, ultimately, am I searching for? Yeah. It's complicated. But good question. There are a number of aspects to the answer, and I reserve the right to change my response in the next day, week, hour, moment. I want to recapture, at least a bit, of the unbridled me that I was almost forty years ago. The freedom, the pleasure, the self-absorption. I want to feel sexy. Not sexual, sexy. I want some eroticism back in my life. I want to feel like my physicality is important.  Fundamental to this is the understanding that all expectations are not sexual. I am embracing and pursuing sexiness versus sex. Erotic versus carnal....

The other day I was talking to a friend I've known since college - with around a twenty year gap, resolved thanks to Facebook - and he made a comment that left me thinking: (Roughly remembered) "The one thing I think surprised me about you in college is that you never became a stripper." What he was referring to, obviously, would be the natural connection between my competitive dancing and my propensity for nudity. And it's an obvious connection, I think. It'd be a great way to make money, and it was a natural extension of the stuff I did in the art department, at bachelorette parties, and dormitory strip poker games. If I could be nude in front of a bunch of people, and could dance pretty well, which I could, why not combine the two and make a little money? I had the body, or at least a good enough one that I could have worked to develop it pretty quickly - I was in great shape, but lacked the "cut" of most popular strippers. There was money to be made....

Since January1st I am down nearly 25 pounds using the ketogenic diet, exercise and intermittent fasting. I've lost a lot of body fat and am at my healthiest - and lowest weight - in the last thirty years. But my regular readers already know that. Let me talk a little about specific physiological changes I've noticed. First, whether it's because the workouts are intensifying, or my physiology is simply working better, I sweat a lot more in my morning workout. It gives me the sense that I'm actually accomplishing something. And as of early April my fat layer has receded considerably, though I have a ways to go until I'm completely satisfied. Around 25 pounds. My arms are pretty lean at this point, and muscular. I've been working out with weights. The veins in my forearms have returned to prominence, as have those on the back of my hands. I've got to do some extra work to get my deltoids a bit more developed. My chest is doing pretty well. Most of the fat seems...

I had a new and intriguing experience the other day. I've often mentioned that I am comfortable being nude around other people, and that I usually spend a portion of the day in my yard sunning by or in the pool. It's springtime and as the temperature gets warmer I'm spending more time in the yard - not too much, I don't want skin cancer - and afterward I go inside to shower and start my day. My wife and dogs see me, but they're all inoculated against a visceral response. But a few days ago I came in, showered - my wife was doing her morning makeup - dried off, combed my hair and brushed my teeth, then went to the closet to get dressed. As I was standing there I had a feeling I haven't had in decades. I really didn't want to get dressed. I wanted to stay naked, an emotional response I frankly haven't had since college. Nearly thirty five years ago (My friend who finally convinced me I might be a nudist is probably chuckling right now.) "Me? Just c...

I've just completed my morning exercises and the world should be happy that I do them alone given the image I must present: I usually keep socks or even socks and shoes on while I'm working out - I'm otherwise naked - and this morning I'm wearing grey furry socks and a pair of tan moccasin-like shoes. Must make for an eye opening appearance, though my dogs have yet to complain.  As noted before I'm up to a 45 minute workout, and it's becoming more cardio-intensive as my physical health improves. I realized this morning that I missed my last testosterone shot and yet am not feeling anything too intensely debilitating as a result. I'm definitely going to get the shot, however, since I don't want to inadvertently start gaining weight/losing muscle as a result of declining testosterone.  (I'm scheduled at 10:30 this morning. Maybe I ought to ask for a brain-booster injection at the same time.) I'm a bit worried about becoming sedentary again. I start...