CONFIDENCE-TIALLY SPEAKING

The other day I received a rather startled email response from a friend responding to a note of my own in which I said I feel self-conscious, particularly when my weight increases. She was surprised, I think, because I am rather open about the fact I don't really care who sees me naked and who, in turn, I may see naked. 

As I've noted frequently here (maybe too frequently?) nudity doesn't bother me under most circumstances. Mine or anyone else's. 

But there's a fundamental difference for me when it comes to being fully comfortable with how I perceive myself, versus my lack of discomfort being nude with other people or around their nudity.

(Great article at the HuffPost on how to be more comfortable nude.)

A couple of caveats: I don't, *ahem*, press my nudity on anyone. I'm not a nudist, which if you have read previous posts you understand my thinking. If someone sees me naked it's because they're comfortable with it and the circumstances allow it. If there's any discomfort I'm clothed.

I also don't go naked most of the time, no matter if I'm alone or if I'm with someone else. Even if I'm alone I'm usually wearing something, even just a robe. (Hence, not a nudist.) But in the pool or spa, tanning in the back yard, or at the gym lockers, yeah, naked. At my therapist's, at a doctor's office, if it's something involving my groin, I'm naked. Or at least pants-less. All without reservations or modesty. With friends who are themselves comfortable being nude with me or even if they're into (non-sexual) CXNM (Clothed Person, Naked Male)? Sure, why not.

But that doesn't mean I don't feel self-conscious about my weight or physical condition. When I'm heavier I am slightly embarrassed that I've gained weight. But I will feel that way naked or clothed. It doesn't make a difference to me whether I'm dressed or not, I just don't like being overweight. 

Intriguingly it doesn't go the other way around. The judgment I feel is being made of me I don't apply to anyone else, so if you're overweight and comfortable being nude then more power to you. (I'd rather see a pudgy old man naked than in a Speedo, for instance.)

To me, it's about being comfortable in your own skin. I find that is what is sexy. I also find challenging yourself by being comfortable to be sexy. But covering up uncomfortably, and thereby making others uncomfortable, isn't. (I'm thinking of the idiots who do the towels dance, or cup their balls thinking it's being modest.) I happen to be a real fan of self-confidence. I think it makes someone sexier and more interesting.

(Self-confidence, not arrogance. Arrogance is a huge negative for me. Self-confidence doesn't detract from others, arrogance does. Self-confidence means "I'm capable and am able to do this," while arrogance is "only *I* can do this." Fuck the arrogant person, and bring on the self-confident one.)

So, yes, I am a bit more self-conscious with being naked when I'm heavier. I'm that way whether I'm clothed or not, so there's no additional stress involved. I also try to be a self-confident person. Being naked, even when I'm a little self-conscious, is a way of shoring up the self-confidence. 

Like everyone, I want to be seen in a positive light. A healthy but heavy confident person is much sexier - to me - than a physically fit but arrogant person is. 

This morning I happened upon a video of a Russian woman who goes by the social media handle of SugarNadya (pics left and below). She's an aesthetician who specializes in removing genital hair, primarily on men. Her models aren't usually in terrific shape, but the one I ran across had a very fit guy getting his first sugaring. The model - we never see his face - is in excellent shape. Flat stomach, muscle tone in his legs. Nadya herself is self-confident and sexy, not resorting to the pursed lips and preening usually associated with porn stars.

(The artificial moaning and groaning are most of what I hate about professional porn. The pulling-out ejaculations on someone's ass or stomach, the women who clearly haven't had an orgasm yet being thrilled when the guy shoots on her face. Yeah, no. If you like it, great, but for me show me women getting off as much as the guys, and men being truly into the person they're with. Everyone having fun is my kind of erotic video.)

Back to Nadya. The model is there for his first sugaring. Physically fit or not, his responses are hysterically funny, ranging from cringe-worthy groans to out and out leg-trembling pain. At one point she says "go ahead and scream if you like." At another he can be heard saying "Oh my God, what am I doing here!" All are spoken in Russian with English subtitles.

The model's genuine reactions but willingness to be a stunt cock - and he goes from a pretty good semi-hardon at the beginning of the video to a "hide me!" limpness by the end of the session - are what makes the video endearing. Nadya's confident indifference to his pain - she's not being BDSM about it, just a therapist who knows it hurts - adds to the humor. 

Both are self-confident enough to be in this situation and carry it through. Both are sexy in different ways. It's not about getting him off, which she doesn't, it's about making him look better for his lovers. Making him more self-confident about his body. 

(Aside: I prefer trimmed body hair for men. Completely denuding the genitals reduces the "maleness" for me. It's purely an aesthetic thing, and purely personal. With women I love trimmed or hairless. Again, simply aesthetics. Everyone's mileage will vary, and do whatever it is that makes you feel more comfortable and confident.)

"I'm not naked, I'm self-confident"

(Yet another aside: Upon further investigation this appears to be an earlier video. Later videos show Nadya definitely taking things in a far more sexual direction with at-first accidental ejaculations with her clients to more deliberate ones and eventually overtly sexual videos. Hey, if it pays the bills...)

It being the middle of winter and myself being between medical crises, it's not really the time of year for swimming or other activities which are more fun in the nude. My bi-weekly poke in the ass from the nurse, and the occasional CFNM around my wife are pretty much it as far as naked around others. 

I'm back to the morning exercise routine, and am starting a keto-diet today, in the hopes that the next time you see me naked you don't run screaming from the room.

But regardless of weight, you will still see me naked if the occasion arises. Because it's the fat and not the nudity which make me self-conscious.

Hanging around naked