PAJAMA PARTY!

(There are far more important and weightier topics, but it's the holiday season, so a little lighthearted Scrooginess for the week.)

Here we are on the cusp of a whole new year. 2023. When I was a kid that was the far off future. Now it's a week away. Wow.

If you are of the Christian persuasion, Merry Christmas. If you're Jewish, hope you're having a Happy Hanukkah. If you're something else, Happy Holidays.

This time of years always brings with it some time for reflection, some time to consider what we're doing, how life is going, and hopefully some time with the family.

It also brings tons of advertising for products retailers and other hope we'll buy for our loved ones. One such product caught my eyes, and for a few wrong reasons. 

Pajamas. No nudity required.

There's a company called Pajamagram, who specialize in, you guessed it, pajamas. Bedtime attire. For men, women, boys, and girls, according to their advertising. And what they produce is pretty cute if you're of the pajama-wearing persuasion.

But what caught my attention is a line for women that they introduced recently - or, at least, I started to hear advertising for recently. They call the line "Naturally Nude Pajamas."

Beautiful. Still not nekkid.

Wait. What?

The name of the line itself is contradictory. "Naturally nude." Okay, I get that. Yes. Nude is natural, and if you're naked you are naturally that way. Check. 

But the word "pajamas" just messes up the entire nudity thing. Natural pajamas I'll let go by in a stretch. They're comfortable and pleasant to wear. So, yeah. They feel natural.

But c'mon, there's a world of contradictions between nude and pajamas. You're either naked or you're not. Advertising to someone that wearing your clothing line is like being naked begs the question "so why wear the clothes in the first place?" 

If they feel like you're nude, why not just be nude?

The ads I've heard even emphasize how attractive women will be to their men - yes, sexist in a number of ways - and how men with really like the look and feel of these "naturally nude" clothes. Yes, sensual. I prefer touching skin, but that's just me.

Look. I have absolutely zero problem with sexy attire. The outfits themselves are very attractive and will undoubtedly be wonderful to wear and/or look upon. They will make the wearer feel sexier. Good!

They look nice, and if I'm with a woman who is wearing them I would compliment her on their appearance. I like to look at women wearing lingerie. No question, guilty as charged.

Nekkid. Naturally.

But they ain't nekkid. They clothed.

And to make even more of a point here, they aren't naturally nude, unless the intent is to describe what's likely to happen shortly after the pajamas make an appearance on a romantic evening. If naturally nude is the end game, then okay, make that the point. But the ads don't do that. According to the advertising, wearing these satiny adornments is to be "naturally nude," and that simply is ridiculous.

It's a little like selling a car by talking about walking. "Get Your Exercise with The New Chrysler Constitutional!" Or "American Airlines. For The Perfect Sunday Drive."

See the difference?

If you're naked, you're naked. If you're wearing pajamas you aren't naked, naturally or otherwise. By definition! Right?!?!

Yes, they're selling the naughty. I get it. But for all the advertising fluff, they might just as well be advertising it as "Guys, give her this and she'll be naked for you in no time." It would be far more honest than calling a clothing line "naturally nude." It ain't natural and she ain't nude.

So there you are. A curmudgeonly rant for your holiday season. Get your wife or girlfriend a set of "Naturally Nude Pajamas" and I hope you get lucky as a result. It's a sexy, sexist and somewhat misleading name, but what the hell, it's kinda fun.

At least they're not selling "Naturally Nude" boxers. That'll be next year.

Happy Holidays.

Pajama Party!