BAILE CONMIGO?

(The title, for those who don't speak Spanish, translates as "Dance with Me." You'll understand in a moment.)

Here it is December of 2022 and the year has flown by, as I'm sure it has for you. I don't even remember much of November. It seems we just celebrated Halloween when Thanksgiving rushed by. And now we're on the verge of the December holidays. 

Unreal.

I've struggled with a topic for this entry. I'm worried about the repetition of my entries, and while I try to do something new and have a reason for posting, at some point when you have a hundred-fifteen articles you tend to duplicate a lot of things - though hopefully with updated thinking rather than reposts of the same information said a different way.

It may seem to some readers I'm obsessed with labels. In my own way I like to categorize myself and things around me. Not for any reason of needing to do so, but because I hope to convey a particular sense of something to a casual reader. That's the reason, for example, that I've discussed the topic of nudity versus nudist a number of times.

As any frequent reader knows, I'm pretty uninhibited about nudity. Mine or anyone else's. If circumstances warrant, I'll strip off with very little modesty - and by modesty I mean covering up unnecessarily. I'm modest when it comes to knowing my body is far from perfect, I'm just not the sort of person who cups my privates in some ridiculous sense of "you shouldn't see that I have a penis." 

If I'm naked, I'm naked. Cupping my cock and balls doesn't do much other than suggest embarrassment at being nude. I'm not embarrassed, so why cup myself?

I am into the sensuality of nudity. By that I mean the sensations being nude can create. The feel of sheets on your skin. Water as you swim through it. The warmth of the sun and gentle breeze. 

But I hesitate to call myself a nudist because, frankly, in most cases I don't get naked as soon as I can. I sleep nude. I tan, swim and exercise nude. Yep, guilty. Shower, shave and - well, you know the rest - naked as a jaybird. I'm naked with my physical therapist and we don't bother much with draping, but I've been seeing him for decades so no secrets left.

But that's it. I don't "hang out" naked at home. I don't go to nude resorts. I don't seek out opportunities to be naked around or with others, though I don't shy away if it's earnestly suggested. If my best bud comes over and nobody else is around we will likely be naked, but it's a bonding thing not a nudist thing.

And lately I've been struggling with a different term, and that is "exhibitionist."

For a while I readily agreed with the label, but have started to realize it's as inaccurate as calling myself a nudist. I'm comfortable with being naked around other people, and it can be a bit of a thrill, but for me it's not sexualized in the way exhibitionists tend to approach it.

Wikipedia is a source I rarely regard as authoritative, but they have a handy definition I can easily cut and paste. They define Exhibitionism as

Assault

"...the act of exposing in a public or semi-public context one's intimate parts  for example, the breasts, genitals or buttocks. The practice may arise from a desire or compulsion to expose themselves in such a manner to groups of friends or acquaintances, or to strangers for their amusement or sexual satisfaction, or to shock the bystander.^[1] Exposing oneself only to an intimate partner is normally not regarded as exhibitionism. In law, the act of exhibitionism may be called indecent exposure, "exposing one's person", or other expressions."

And that's not where I'm coming from, either socially or personally. I don't have a desire to expose myself to anyone who might object. That's assault. It's nudity designed to shock or sexually attack someone. 

Nudity can be sexual, obviously, but if there's no opportunity for sexual activity then nudity is just that: naked. Exhibitionists tend to sexualize non-sexual situations. 

(Don't argue with me on that, just take a little walk over to some of the exhibitionist websites. If you've got an erection, it's sexual. If you enjoy the feeling of eyes on your naked flesh, it's exhibitionism. Being comfortable with nudity isn't wanting to flaunt it, it's simply being comfortable.)

We all have bodies. Some conform more to society's definition of "beautiful," while others - the vast majority - have bodies which don't conform. I've got fat pockets, and an average dick. With testosterone shots my balls have shrunk a bit.

But I'm me. This is the body I've been dealt and the best I can do is get it to a state of being the best it can be. That's been the bulk, pardon the expression, of my last few years of entries. I'm not there yet, but I'm getting there. I'm a fit person with fat over the muscles. 

But even though I know I'm not society's definition of "perfect," my body is my body. I don't show it off, but if it's seen I don't bother covering up either. What's the point?

So, in some ways I'm an exhibitionist. Yes, I have my moments. As I'm exercising in the morning I sometimes think about someone exercising with me, nude or not. It's possible that's more companionship than exhibitionism, but I don't know. Would they be naked? Would they participate, or would they just watch? The latter has no interest for me, and that tells me exhibitionism isn't the main element here. Don't watch me, join in. Sadly, no takers in the area other than my dog, and he's pretty much a full-time nudist.

If someone were to walk in on me dancing I'd probably be embarrassed about it, though I don't think my response would be to cover my dick and balls. If I were clothed I might be just as embarrassed. And, back to the naked scenario, I'd probably bow out and go get dressed. It depends on the reaction of the person who walked in. My wife would find it amusing and tease me, which would certainly lead to my getting dressed. Embarrassed about being caught dancing, not being naked.

(Thinking about this, I'm reminded of actor Eric Balfour's nude dance with Lauren Lee Smith in the movie Lie With Me. He's obviously a good dancer, and the fact he's leading her while totally naked is how I'd like to be. He's completely comfortable with it, and having a good time. It's not exhibitionist, it's not sexual, it's bonding. Yes, they also have sex, but the nude dance is truly delightful.)

So, there you go. Another entry on labels. Time for me to go exercise. I'm up to 45 minutes in the dark, just me and Youtube...and usually my dog, who just doesn't get it. I enjoy the raw physicality of dancing while nude. For the record I'm currently in a chair in the family room, wearing a robe. I won't be naked until I start to exercise. If the rain stops I'll get dressed to walk the dogs, then remain clothed until I shower.

If this is nudism, I'm pretty bad at it. And since I can count on one hand - and still have a finger or two left over - the number of friends (all male, btw) who have seen Little Rambler in the last couple years, I'm pretty bad at exhibitionism as well.

Ah, well. You can't be good at everything...

(Hour later addendum: At the moment it's raining where I live. A cold downpour. I was hot and sweaty after my morning workout, and went into the back yard to enjoy the sensuality of the cold rain on my skin. It felt exquisite. The shock of the temperature change invigorated me, and I went out a couple more times before coming back in, drying off and donning my robe.)