THOUGHTS ON A TUESDAY MORNING

As I write this, it's about 4am on a Tuesday morning. I've been up since 2 with insomnia. Ugh. At least it's productive writing time. A few odds and ends and random thoughts.

Approaching the end of a second completely chaotic and health-challenged year, a few things have floated through my consciousness. 

For almost everyone the reality of COVID-19 meant a near total disruption of our regular lives. A few people have refused to knuckle down and get vaccinated or wear masks, and I honestly think COVID will be a Darwinian event for those folks. I'm vaccinated and boosted at this point and have no severe side effects other than this third arm I seem to be growing from my forehead. 😜

___________________________

Despite these things I'm soldiering forward and working on my health. I've been relatively lax about my morning exercise routine for the last three months and need to get back on it. We've got a friend staying with us and I've been reluctant to dance around naked in front of the computer for fear of waking her up and having her walk in unexpectedly to see what the music is all about. She's not a close enough friend for us to laugh about it.

___________________________

"To my health!"

I recently read an essay citing a Harvard study that men should masturbate 12-24 times a month in order to maintain a healthy prostate. At first your reaction is "wow!", but if you break it down it's once every two or three days. Personally, if I go three or more days without an orgasm I begin to get distracted by sexual thoughts, so for me masturbating every couple of days is also about maintaining mental health. I'm an 18 year old mentality trapped in a sixty year old physiology.

(One of my doctors noted my prostate is remarkably small for a man "my age," so there's another upside.) 

___________________________

A recent job change has kind of disrupted my medical care. We went from a PPO to an HMO, which makes it necessary for you to see your primary care provider to get a referral to specialists like urologists. Since 90% of my medical activity is urology, December is a "by" month in which I pay for my own way for my testosterone shots, etc. Fortunately the doctor who performed my surgery last December is on the list for urology, so I won't be starting entirely from scratch. But I'm not looking forward to laying out my medical history on my first appointment - a physical - with my new primary care doctor. I think it's safe to say it'll be an interesting conversation.

___________________________

I've recently come across an interesting site for Clothed Female Naked Male aficionados. I'm as into CFNM as the next guy, maybe moreso, but only because it's a freeing thing, not a sexual thing for me. Frankly, sex is a lot more fun if both of you are naked. But a lot - the vast majority, I'd say - see CFNM as a sexual thing. Proponents say it gives the woman an advantage over the men in the scenarios, letting them be the dominant partner. I don't see that it does, however, since the vast majority of CFNM seems to be for the man's satisfaction, not the woman. 

"Yeah, I'm naked. So what?"

 (Most porn stems from the same misguided standpoint: the man cums and the scene is over. Show me women having an orgasm - a real one, not a faked one - and I'm much more fascinated and excited than I am watching some horsedick spew his load over a woman's face or tits or stomach. That's a primary reason I don't like much in the way of professional porn.)

I love to watch CFNM scenarios in which the nudity is casual or unremarked upon. Or if the purpose of the male nudity is so the woman can show her affection, not domination or derision. A good example of this is in one of my favorite amateur videos in which the man is shaving nude at the sink while the woman is standing behind him with a robe on. She gently reaches around to caress him, eventually masturbating him and getting him off into the sink. It's not professionally shot, nor does it feature fake moans and groans. In fact, there's no sound at all, nor can we really see their faces. But you can tell this is a loving couple who are simply enjoying their intimate moment. 

It's the clear affection and enjoyment that make this sort of thing exciting for me - it's a moment of contact and affection, not just two paid professionals fucking because it's a paycheck.

___________________________

In the last four or five months I've started going commando every once in a while. It's not a lifestyle thing, it's more convenience. I sleep nude and in the morning I put on a robe until it's time to take my dog for a walk. I slip on a pair of jeans, a shirt and shoes. The underwear just adds a layer, so I've started to just pull on the jeans. Then, when I get back to the house I just stay that way until it's time to shower, etc. 

I don't really find there's much erotic about it, nor do I do it to be daring, it's just a matter of not putting on a layer of clothing. And since I lean towards boxers anyway, there's no real difference in the amount of support or freedom as far as Lil Rambler is concerned.

___________________________

Lately I've been doing a lot of thinking about the things I haven't done - and will likely never do - sexually. I've done a lot compared to most people, or at least I had done a lot by the time I was engaged at 23.

"Okay, that's public, foursome, bisexual, beach..."

 

(When I was in college the so-called "Purity Test" was all the rage. It listed 100 activities, ranging from simple kissing to some pretty eye-opening activities. I was proud of the fact that I'd managed to get to something around 85%, which got me a semi-awed "Dude, you're seriously fucked up" from one of my friends in the dorm. We didn't share *what* we'd done, and I'm pretty glad we didn't. At the time being bisexual was a rarity, so I managed to chalk off several things straight or gay men might not, such as kissing a member of the same sex/opposite sex, etc.)

I count myself lucky that the internet and digital revolution were way down the line. If I were twenty-something in today's connected world, doing what I did before the advent of cellphones, I'd be absolutely paranoid about what might be some pretty seriously fucked up video out there. 

"Wash your back, ma'am?"

(There was a film of me in a shower as part of a student project. I was supposedly the fantasy of a girl who was in the shower alone until I walked in. We made out and groped pretty much everywhere, the camera then cuts to her alone again in the shower and masturbating to orgasm. The director thought it was art, but I understand the teacher of the class call it shitty soft-core porn. I never saw it.)

But I also wonder what I've missed.

Oddly enough, I've never been to an orgy. Threesomes, yes, but never a full-blown orgy (if you pardon the pun). I'd love to do a no-holds barred foursome, but that's also something that's not going to happen. There are maybe a dozen things I wish I'd tried, but if you get to my age without regrets you're living life the wrong way.

To be honest, I've been lucky in my life in so many ways I wouldn't possibly count them all. If I pay for my teenage and early twenties by being celibate in my later years then so be it. I still have my imagination and if I need to occupy myself every few days it's a fair trade-off.

And so it goes...