REDISCOVERING ME

Okay.

This blog is about self-discovery and the sexual perspectives of a man in his late 'fifties and somewhat victim - and I use that word very loosely - of the early '80s "I'll fuck anybody" scene.

I have been losing weight lately. A considerable amount, with more yet to come. Down fifty,  and another forty in my sites.

But that's not why I'm here.

I want to examine a lot of my sexual situation from a psychological standpoint, which includes current and changing physiological impacts of the weight change.

In many ways the weight loss has brought back some feelings and priorities for me. I've never been exactly modest, but it turns out that being in better physical shape has moved that towards overdrive. If I am fortunate enough to lose the remainder of the weight I want gone, another forty pounds, I am not sure how much my wife will be able to keep me clothed.

(Yeah, I'm a little like a toddler in that respect. I think my wife was a little surprised to find me nude on our condo's balcony on our honeymoon.)

So recent months have found me reducing my hours of being clothed. I've said before that I'm not really a nudist, I'm simply comfortable being naked. In fact my daily habit now involves laying out in the sun after taking a swim in the pool. My tan is getting reasonably dark and of course there are no tan lines. After enough time in the sun to dry myself off, I move to the shade and continue to lay out in the yard. It's amazingly peaceful and relaxing, and I have a real understanding as to why it's so appealing for so many true nudists. It's not about sex or exhibitionism, it's about really feeling unencumbered and free. Feeling the breeze cross your body is relaxing in a way nothing else is.

I have also begun spending the evenings sans pants. Naked from the waist down. My wife is being indulgent, but after spending so much time on the patio nude - and often in CFNM situations - it's less important for me to put on pants in the evening. (I'm on the deck nude, and I sleep nude. Why dress in the middle?)

It's evolving, but I'm hoping both our comfort levels will improve. I do it on vacation, so home life is simply an extension of that casual approach to attire. It’s a way to enjoy the renewed sense of self and  body.

Today I met with my urologist, and we still have challenges ahead. Fortunately he called off a planned cystoscopy - a procedure where the doctor slips a flexible tube up your penis to examine the inside of your bladder. I've had it done before and it's uncomfortable. (See my previous blog entry on the procedure.)

My varicoceles still continue to cause me a fair amount of discomfort. I'll be consulting with a specialist, but don't hold out a whole lot of hope. I'm expecting they'll just tell me to grin and bear it. (Bare it?)

But for now, I'm down a lot of weight, in very good physical condition, and enjoying Lil Rambler's return to form from a sexual standpoint. (Still no sex with my wife, but Rambler quite enjoys itself when I'm jacking off.) As I wrote in a previous entry, the decrease in my Fat Pad has exposed more of my cock and balls, which is really cool. Not only does it present a better visuakl, there's a nice "heaviness" to things as I walk or sleep. It's difficult to explain, but my genitals feel more substantial.

So we're headed in the right direction. And I'm really, really enjoying being outside and naked under the sun (and shade). There's a physicality in my life right now that is both pleasant and rewarding.

Stay tuned.