CFNM and Dipping The Skinny

"There are exceptions, but I believe that most males enjoy being nude in front of the opposite sex, whereas most females would find it embarrassing. Deep down, I think that males equate nudity with power, but females equate it with vulnerability." - Unknown



I've remarked on a few blog entries about times in which I was naked while others were dressed. I was into "CFNM" (Clothed Female, Naked Male) before that term even became used.

And I think I come by it honestly and innocently.

Growing up I was a boy scout, and this often meant being naked with each other on camping trips or at swim parties at our scoutmaster's home. His wife often hosted while we cavorted around in the pool. The scoutmaster was as naked as we boys were, while his wife typically wore a sundress when she came out onto the patio to refill water pitchers or drop off snacks for us. Inevitably we all jumped out of the pool and ran over to make sure we got whatever treats she had before anyone else could.

At home my parents weren't shy. I saw my father naked on numerous occasions, though he and my Mom took pains to ensure that it was never inappropriate. My Mom was much more modest in front of me, while Dad was careful my sisters weren't around. My Dad took me to the gym at his work a few times. The facilities included a men's-only swimming pool, so skinny dipping was both commonplace and pretty much expected.

My initial swim classes were at the YMCA, where pool nudity for boys is legendary (and true). I was fascinated by both the locker room - and loved to take showers to prolong my nudity - as well as the nude pool. The weird times occurred when, for whatever reason adult women or young girls were present. (This was before the Y was officially coed. I was too young to question who they were or why they were there.) No effort to cover up the boys was made, so despite some brief moments of discomfort, most of the boys just jumped in and started playing. 

I can recall my eyes burning from the amount of chlorine used.

The Old Swimmin' Hole

Once I'd entered puberty it was relatively common for a few of us guys to doff our swimsuits down at a local stream. Not nearly  big or deep enough to swim in, but by this point we'd all read Tom Sawyer and imagined ourselves modern day Toms when it came to the "old swimmin' hole." One girl was part of our little band, our Becky Thatcher, and she insisted that she had to wear a swimsuit while clearly reveling in the male flesh on display.

That was my first true experience of what's now called CFNM - Clothed Female, Naked Male. While the girls and occasional women who saw me naked in the scouts and at the Y it was as part of a group, this was the first time I felt comfortable enough to just be sociable with a girl regardless of how either of us were dressed, and for an extended period of time. I sat next to her on the edge of the creek a dozen times over a couple of years, as we just acted like it was a normal interaction. And in many ways it was. Nothing sexual occurred, though it was a real electric rush for me to be exposed that way. (In fact I later used this relationship as the basis for a short story I wrote on a creative writing class.)

Unfortunately CFNM has taken on a sexual tone focusing in the man's gratification. 

On this brilliant website, the original meaning and exploration of the theme is reasserted. While most porn has co-opted CFNM, making the man's nudity a source of his own sexual gratification versus a source of pleasure/empowerment for the women in the scenes, the original purpose of the male being nude and vulnerable was to focus on the women's perspective, on her pleasure and empowerment. 

From the website: 
Generally speaking, "CFNM" used as an acronym for a clothed-female/naked-male encounter was created around 1992 by the owner of this site as a means to describe a situational context wherein the men are completely nude while the women in the presence of these naked men remain clothed. Key aspects in its definition include:
 

a) both genders are consenting adults that have intentionally put themselves in a context or situation that they know will include fully clothed women and completely naked men;

b) it is not concomitant to a sexual encounter, that is, sex between the genders is not a purpose for the encounter; and,

c) the exchange is typically more than just a quick accidental encounter but instead, an intentionally prolonged interaction between the genders.

In CFNM men allow themselves to be vulnerably exposed, and the women have the social advantage of being dressed.

And, as part of that, CFNM isn't necessarily sexual. In fact it's best when it's not.

My wife and I, despite our lack of a pursuable sex life, often find ourselves in CFNM situations, such as when I am showering while she gets ready for work or in our back yard pool. She wears a swimsuit while I use it naked. In both situations we hold conversations and generally act as if nothing is unusual. It helps us bond a bit given the relative intimacy, but also casualizes nudity. I often sit around pantsless (granted, not fully naked) and we watch tv or talk or otherwise pass the time.

Just because she can see my cock doesn't mean we're going to have sex - it means we're both comfortable and open with each other.

In college I readily accepted opportunities for CFNM. As I've mentioned I had a girlfriend who fancied herself a visual artist, and she asked me to pose for a fair number of works, both in our respective dorm rooms as well as more publicly in the art department building. And the public posing for her led to other artists asking if I'd pose for them.

By the time I left college I'd posed for three photographic projects, and six drawing/painting projects - only one of which was for a mixed-gender art class. And one pornographic student film project, but that's a story for another time. (The CFNM wasn't in the film, it was the fact that the director and most of the crew were women.)

But I find CFNM fascinating, if it's focused on the woman, not the man. (I likewise enjoy CMNM and CFNF.) Casual nudity is, to me, one of the great pleasures in life. There's an honestly and vulnerability there. A trust. And, let's be honest...it's fun.



Unfortunately, in porn it's anything but.