JUST SHOOT ME ALREADY

I have a pretty open mind about sexual things. Non-judgmental, even if I wouldn't like to do it myself. As long as everyone involved is a willing - and even enthusiastic - participant, I'm all in. In my mind it's absolutely presumptuous for anyone - anyone - to tell (almost*) anyone else what they're doing is wrong.

(* - The exceptions, quite strong, are towards pedophiles and non-human sex. By that I mean animals and necrophilia. I'm perfectly okay with almost any other kind of sex between consenting adults. No more, no less.**)

(** - What you do with inanimate objects, like your vibrator or fleshlight, is your own business.)

I've been present when people were having sex, usually as a non-participating viewer. That's called voyeurism.

In college seeing friends have sex was just part of the crowd I - excuse the expression - "hung out" with. We saw each other naked, and were, at infrequent times, turned on enough (and drunk enough) to just go ahead and fuck openly. Usually when someone got horny everyone would leave or they themselves, and anyone else involved, would go to a different room.

And as a photographer it's something I can appreciate as long as everyone is aware of what's going on. I do, frankly, like to watch. Seeing people having fun is a positive experience for me, almost as much fun as participating. As long as the people involved are into it - no "reluctantly" allowed - it's a huge turn-on for me.

Not me, but it could have been

In my college years one of my buddies and I bartended/served at several women's parties, which involved exhibitionist things on our part. Usually starting in pants, or even just jock straps, we'd eventually be nude. I've jacked off in a roomful of girls to earn a decent tip. I've also watched as women went down on my buddy, or dragged one or the other of us into the bathroom/back room...where everyone else piled in to watch. (A roomful of drunken college girls with two naked guys can think of a lot of very nasty things to do, let me tell you.) Fortunately, I think, this was before the advent of the digital camera or the cellphone. Can't even imagine what might be out there if it were happening today...

Which brings me to this: As a photographer I've been engaged a handful of times to record other people doing exactly this sort of thing.

Years ago I was getting bodywork from a guy I'd met through online classifieds. It was a legit massage, non-sexual, though he rarely wore more than a pair of shorts during our sessions. As is my custom, I wore less than that.

He was a good guy in great condition, and he had pictures of himself displayed around the apartment, a few of them nudes. He was a model, but wasn't making enough from that profession and was forced to supplement it with bodywork. He was quite good at the latter as well.

We talked, of course, and he found out I take pictures. At the time my work had nothing to do with the human body, other than if they were innocently caught in a landscape or travel shot I was getting. Certainly nothing focused on the person.

But as we talked he mentioned he knew some people who needed photographs done for online profiles they were building, and that a couple of them wanted something sexy or even downright sexual. Given that he already knew I didn't have any issues with nudity - I was regularly on his table that way - he wondered if I'd be interested in the work.

This was before digital cameras became as widely used and as high-quality as they are now. I said I'd be glad to talk to them and see if I could work it out, and I'd be using film (ensuring they got the negatives).

The first guy was a bit of a challenge. He was struck with Graves Disease, which causes the person's eyes to bulge forward. His were profoundly out, and gave a bit of a scary look. Too bad, since he was the nicest guy. He was, at first, reluctant to discuss what he really wanted with a perfect stranger, but after a half hour or so he started to relax (the wine wasn't hurting) and said he was having trouble meeting guys, and was wanting to put some suggestive shots online in a dating profile.

So we gradually started out with sunglasses, fully clothed and in his kitchen (he loved to cook). Going outside he went shirtless, and was a fit guy. And by the end of the session we were in his bedroom, pants undone exposing his pubes in a suggestive fashion. By all accounts he was very pleased with the results.

Word got back to the masseur, and a few other people contacted me, each of them progressively more
open sexually, until my third and fourth engagements; a horny guy who wanted shots of himself jacking off out in nature, and a straight couple who wanted bedroom shots of themselves fucking.

And I enjoyed it all. No sex with any of them, but being there to help them find something sexual and satisfying about themselves was enormously gratifying to me. And at each juncture I was told by the subject that they appreciated how much at ease I was capable of making them.




For a variety of reasons, some of which I regret, I didn't continue with booking myself for this sort of photography. Given the graphic sexuality it's a step beyond Boudoir, and requires the ability to allow the subjects to explore on their own - telling someone how to pose and where to put what isn't really what it's all about. This sort of photography is about letting people discover themselves and be open about it.


The term I'd use, though it's completely contradictory, is "closet exhibitionist". Someone who really is thrilled by being watched, but lacks the assurance to be truly open. I want it to be a safe environment. If I can do that, I help someone find themselves. And that's gratifying.

So sometimes, for me, watching is as rewarding as participating. I was talking to my current physical therapist and he noted that arousal is contagious. One person, visibly excited (male or female) often leads to arousal in others. Hence the popularity of porn. Watching others have sex is a way for ourselves to get excited.

And, if done right and unintimidatingly, it's a lot of fun for everyone involved.