I WANT MY ASS BACK






A lot of my entries, you may have noticed, have their origins in my teenage and college years. No real surprise since that's when I was sexually very active. I'd discovered a new toy - several of them, actually - and like any kid with a new toy went overboard in a major way.

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Not my ass
(At some point I'll talk about losing my virginity, which happened at a New Years Even party. I was fifteen if the mental calculations are correct. That and the following Summer with the local pool lifeguard definitely teed me up for an adventurous sex life. Well, until marriage.) (Mostly joking.)

As anyone who reads this column regularly knows, I'm in the middle of a major weight-loss and fitness shift. Down 45 pounds, but I've hit a plateau that has been hanging on for months now. I'll take it, but am looking forward to losing another 45 before I'm satisfied.

And one of the driving motivations is that I want my ass back.

You read that right. I want my ass back.

In my fittest years I was a competitive dancer. Like the stuff you see on Dancing With the Stars. So, obviously, I was in good shape. Strong legs. Flat stomach (though multiple hernia surgery scars gave me some puffiness I thought was unsightly). Nice pecs, and strong upper arms. The body of a fitness model: never ripped, but really nicely fit.

And, from all accounts, a really nice ass.

See the source imageNever saw it for myself, but it was maybe the top feature I was complimented on by friends and lovers. What I gather is called a Bubble Butt. It was a major reason I felt comfortable being naked around friends and standing in as a model for various art projects. I was happy with my ass. And I'd love to get something like that back.

See the source imageMy workout routine is largely dance-based. The sorts of exercises we did during my competitive years, as well as just plain old dancing around. Moving. I try to get an hour's worth of just bopping around in every day. (My preferred way to do this is to turn on the tv in the back room and just dance around while I'm watching. Don't even need much music, though the commercial soundtracks usually set up a beat in my head.)

I also do leg lifts by leaning forward on the bathroom counter and rhymically extending out my legs, one at a time of course, from a tucked position up against my abdomen to a full extension backwards and flat with my torso. I'm up to forty times, twice through. Twice a day. 160 per leg, per day.

And it seems to be working its magic. My ass is responding, though it's still covered by enough fat that you really can't see the contours just yet. But texturally, under the fat, it's having a profound effect. I can tell, and you're going to have to take my word for it until enough fat comes off I can post pics. (Thirty years of accumulated fat take a long time to tear down...be patient.)

It's a strong motivator. I want my ass back.

Stay tuned.

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