LOST HORIZONS

Part of my motivation for starting this blog was to deal with a number of elements of my sexuality, particularly as I recovered some of my previously-held sexual confidence as a result of testosterone treatments.

But another element has occurred, and I hadn't planned on - but genuinely appreciate - the effect of the shots. I've begun working out and losing weight. Weight that has stubbornly refused to budge for decades.

Damn, this feels good!

When I began my treatments I was, more or less, ninety pounds overweight. Fat. Obese. Not a healthy thing for a former athlete, or someone of any background. But I'd eaten and lazed myself into serious health issues and had pretty well given up trying to lose anything. Yes, I'd done all those trendy diets. Jenny Craig, Nutrisystems, South Beach, even HCG injections, etc. On most of them I lost weight - and then steadily regained it when the diet or treatments ended.

So last year when I began the testosterone treatments I was pleased that Lil Rambler was responding, and didn't go much beyond that. Until I started feeling a need, almost an urgency, to move. To stand up. To get my ass in gear and stop sitting so much. I started slowly, and have worked my way up to a fairly good workout regimen. And am feeling 100% better than I did just ten months ago.

And then something else, something more interesting took hold. I refound my cock, so to speak.

Something that no man ever wants to admit is that as you gain weight your penis almost seems to retract into your body. As the pounds go on and the definition disappears, you get enough fat gathered in the pubic region that the base of the penis is hidden and your balls seem to retract closer to your body, making the entire area seem smaller.

THERE you are!...

(Think about it. If you take a hot dog and hold it on end in a bowl as you fill the bowl with Jello, a portion of the hot dog disappears. Visually AND operationally it effectively becomes smaller even thought the hot dog itself doesn't change. Fat in the pubic region tends to envelope the base of the penis in the same way. The same happens to overweight women as the important parts of her genitalia become less sensitive and surrounded by fat. Fat people can certainly have and enjoy sex, but in many ways they have to work harder at it - pun acknowledged.)


And so, as my weight has started to come off -- more than half it this point -- my penis has re-emerged in two ways: first, I have a much smaller belly and don't have to lean forward or use mirrors to see my dick. And there's more dick to see, regardless of my level of erection. Erect I've added maybe half an inch to my apparent length (this is a guess, I haven't measured), and limp I now hang that half inch or more freely. Plus, with the added T, it's a bit larger, plumper penis which hangs down. Not bigger than the average penis, but now in that range versus a seemingly smaller cock, visually. And my balls have similarly been freed, lowering (visually) a little further from the body.

The Way We Were...

It's very reassuring, in an odd way. When you're psychologically depressed (small "d"), as any obese person likely is in some way, having a smaller penis doesn't help things. It adds to the stress and embarrassment. In my case, I was actively unhappy that all those memories of my college years were tainted by the knowledge that my dick wasn't really as big as I'd remembered. Well, yeah. Your mind really thinks that way.

So, in addition to being healthier and more effectively engaged in the world. In addition to the restored self-confidence of being a stronger person. In addition to the self-respect which comes along with achieving weight loss. I have refound Lil Rambler and am delighted that when treated right he's far more engaged and respectable than I'd come to expect as an obese man.

Hug your penis!

I'd like to say that's just a minor thing, but in my psyche it's pretty cool. Some of you might be thinking I'm putting too much of my ego on my cock, but that's not the case. Seeing Lil Rambler back to his old self is one of the several ways losing the weight has improved my life. I swim far more effectively (which I love). I can take long walks when I travel and not get winded. I fit into a waist size I haven't worn in decades (down to a 40 from a 46, with 38 on the short-term horizon), and feel much more self-confident when I'm in front of people to give a work-related presentation, for example. (My wife even commented that it's getting harder and harder to get me to wear pants around the house.)

All of that.

But the most personal aspect is Lil Rambler's re-emergence. Like most men I put a lot of my self-respect on the little guy. I have forty pounds yet to go, but am excited to find out how that impacts me, and the Lil guy, even further.

Welcome back, with more to come?

(BTW - In NO way am I disparaging other heavyset or overweight people. Far, far from it. They have my complete support and empathy. If you've never been fat you have no understanding of the psychology involved. I'm following my own path, as they must follow theirs.)