ALL DRESSED UP AND NO PLACE TO...COME

Sexually speaking this is a frustrating time for me. It's one of the fundamental reasons I started this blog, to work through sexual issues in my head and on "anonymous" paper. Only two friends, very trusted friends, have access to reading this blog. For obvious reasons.

As I've noted in a couple of previous entries my libido is up as a result of testosterone injections and a newly rediscovered physical strength that is a direct result of the t-shots. I've become far more physically active and exercise on a daily basis - usually twice a day. My body is responding in ways I haven't experienced since my twenties, and I am surprised at how bad I'd actually gotten to feel. After only a few months (6) I have solid muscle tone in areas which  have been complacent for decades, and quite a bit more stamina as a result.

Along with that new physicality Lil Rambler is up and active several times a day, an activity level I haven't had in at least two decades. even getting morning wood upon occasion. Terrific, right?

Well. Yeah. Except for one rather important thing.

Simultaneous with my re-emergence as a confident and capable sexual being -- kind of a sexually aggressive second adolescence- my wife has succumbed to an "intimate-parts" syndrome as a result of a medical crisis she endured last year. Intercourse is quite painful for her, a problem we discovered in all of the wrong ways last March. I don't need to go into details, but a scream of pain is the last thing any guy wants to hear as he attempts to have sex with his lover.

(Before anyone thinks of this: we had lube and were nicely lubed up. This wasn't a dryness issue.)

So intercourse is out. As is anal, an area we have never explored with each other, by mutual consent. We talked about it in the beginning of our relationship, and while I was willing to experiment if it was something she wanted to try it wasn't anying she had any interest in.

So...

I love oral sex - and will write about that affection shortly - and to my wife's credit, she will give oral the old college try but doesn't really enjoy it. Giving or receiving. I do, immensely. I love both receiving AND giving, but unless she's 100% into something I'm not going to force the issue. 

(Important aside: That's been true of every partner I've ever had. I'll try anything once, but will never force or impose an act on anyone else. It's not my right, and it's a real turn-off if someone's having sex without their enthusiastic participation. Sex is only fun if it's fun for everyone involved.)

(One of my biggest sexual pet peeves, BTW, is "wifely duty". I've heard women refer to sex as their wifely duty, a concept I find both unexciting and condescending. I;ve even had guys tell me that their wives don't really put out, but that they "do their wifely duty" when the husband's head is about to explode. This could be fucking, it could be a handjob, or could be a blowjob depending upon the couple. But it is, in both people's eyes, a duty. It's insulting for both the husbands and wives involved. To me it suggests that those poor women* see sex as a duty and part of the job. I believe sex is an exciting and fun experience which should be enjoyed for the Hell of it, not because one person regards the acts as some sort of responsibility. Talk about a major buzzkill. Or cocksoftener, if you will.)

Which leaves handjobs.

In and of themselves handjobs can be quite a bit of fun. They're certainly more flexible and immediate. You can get a handjob almost anywhere, as long as steps are taken for the cleanup. In the car, at a restaurant, surreptitiously under the blanket at a picnic. In the water on a beach. Heck, the possibilities are wide and deep.

Even just the act of holding my cock for a few minutes does me a world of tactile good. Grab my penis and just hold it affectionately and you're a friend for life (or had better be).

But a gentle stroke towards orgasm -- that is a giving and awesome thing. I vastly prefer oral, but a well-done handjob can do the trick - pun intended - nicely. Again, if it's for fun, not as a duty.

(I truly believe, by the way, that same-sex oral and handjobs are probably better than opposite sex. Since, by nature, oral sex and manual pleasuring are uniquely one-way affairs then it stands to reasons the best person for the job would be someone familiar with the plumbing. Women have to guess or be guided into finding the pressure points on an erection, while men require the same education when it comes to a woman's vagina. Obviously a guy will know where, exactly, to press on a dick to get the best sensation, making same-sex essentially more pleasurable. And if all you're after is the sensation without the emotion then that's probably the best way to go. IMNSHO)

(Going way off topic here, but a good example is watching a woman give a blowjob versus watching a man give one. Woman use their hands to masturbate the guy as they mostly mouth the head of the penis. Men are primarily likely to use tongues and oral stimulation when going down on the entire shaft of another guy. Watch gay/bi porn sometime, you'll see what I mean. The same for watching a guy going down on a woman versus a lesbian doing same - watch where the hands and tongue go. It's an education.)

So...

My wife, whom I love dearly, feels that a handjob is her wifely duty, particularly when she is unable to have sex in any other fashion.

Which brings me to my current dilemma. See above comment regarding "enthusiastic participation".

I am, through no fault of my wife's, essentially a horny teenager again with virtually no access to sex.

(Correct that. I have a male friend from my college years who is more than willing to help out. He's bisexual as well and offered "blowjobs on demand" should I need them. A wonderful gesture, but it leaves me in a moral grey area. And he promises he swallows.)

And so, until my wife emerges from this medical crisis it seem like my options are limited. I'm tempted to ante up for an anonymous man to man "everything included" bodyrub, though money is tight. You might find it amusing that I draw the line between getting a blowjob as part of a bodyrub versus simply going out and finding a hooker. It's probably specious, but you're getting a beneficial and advantageous service from one, and a simple cumshot from the other.

So...

My options are limited. For the time being I'm riding this out with my imagination, some decent porn, and a handful of tissue paper. But as a long-term solution I'm left high and dry. And Old Lefty frankly is getting a little tired and wishes I would find another hobby.

* - I'm assuming a heterosexual relationship here. Yes, the concept of "sexual duty" might apply to same-sex partners, but what from my gay friends have told me it's much less of an issue.